The Family Dog
“Choose a dog as carefully as you would a housemate”
Ajax, a young Weimaraner, dragged eight-year-old Ellen into our office, in the process yanking the lead out of Ellen’s hand. Mr. and Mrs. Woods came in after. “How did you choose Ajax.” I began.
“The man at the pet store recommended this breed for the city. We’ve never had a dog before. We wanted a calm, easy one. He said Weimaraners weren’t too active and would be good with our little girl.”
I shook my head in disagreement. “No, Weimaraners are as active as they come and strong willed as well.” Ajax would have been a fine choice for an active, experienced dog owner but not for an inexperienced, basically sedentary, urban family.
This first chapter addresses the questions you should consider when choosing your family dog: Do you really want a dog? How old should the children be when you get a puppy? Is a male or female better for a family? Which breeds make the best family dogs? Where do you get a good dog, and how do you select a puppy or adult dog? We begin with what makes a good family dog.
A good family dog…
.. fits in with your lifestyle
If you jog daily, by all means get an active dog but don’t think that you will become a triathlete when you get a dog. It won’t happen. Assume things will stay the same and choose accordingly.
…tolerates touch or noise and forgives mistakes
Some dogs are more physically sensitive than others. Hunting breeds had to run through briars and tolerate the sound of guns to do their job. Some of the tiny breeds, however, bred solely to cuddle, hate rough handling. To work well in the average family, dogs must accept noise, lots of touching and be forgiving.
… calms himself once excited
The ability to calm down—to stop barking once the guest is inside, to relax after the child has stopped pulling his tail—is critical to being an easy and safe family companion.
. . . likes people
Pet-store puppies who have been in cages for too long or kennel-raised older dogs may never have much interest in you or your children. Shy dogs may eventually accept the immediate family but often don’t adjust to your child’s playmates. Look for a pup that has been handled every day, was raised in the house, preferably around well-behaved, well-supervised children.
Q and A
Do you really want a dog?
A dog is work, no two ways around it. And if you have room in your life for one more responsibility, then consider a canine companion. If you’re getting it for the kids, or because your partner wants it, or because you think a family ought to have a dog, think again. This is not a decoration but a living, breathing individual who will need daily walks, interaction, care, training, guidance, and supervision, especially during puppyhood. Our clients constantly tell us “I had no idea this was so much work.” It is. Pleasant if you have the time, energy, and desire; irritating if you thought you were buying Lassie, who would grace your life with few demands. The benefits of dog ownership are immense, adding stability, acceptance, joy, and security when all these things seem hard to come by, but these benefits are not without demands on your time, income, and energy.
How old should my kids be when I get a dog?
The best time to get a dog is after your child is age four, maybe even five if you want to raise a puppy. Younger children do not have the mental understanding or physical ability to be consistently gentle. If you have younger children and a dog, read the relevant sections and SUPERVISE! People sometimes want to get a new puppy when the child is an infant on the theory that they’ll grow up together. Save yourself the stress and exhaustion—one baby at a time please!
Which breed is best?
Man created each breed to perform a specific task. These tasks still influence your dog’s behavior today. Your Labrador may never retrieve a duck, but this will not stop him from wanting to retrieve everything that is not nailed down. Your Jack Russell may never kill a rat, but he is probably still the feisty “you start it and I’ll finish it” kind of guy that could get the job done.
Read about the breed you are interested in and think about how that heritage might still affect your pet’s behavior today. In general, dogs bred to work closely with man and for low levels of aggression are better family dogs than those dogs developed for their fighting, killing, or aggressive prowess.
A classic example of a breed created to work closely with man while not being too aggressive is the Golden Retriever. Their wonderful temperament has won them millions of fans through the years. Unfortunately, today, it is possible to find shy, hyperactive, and aggressive Goldens. When a breed is popular, be careful where you get your pet.
Mixed-breed dogs are every ounce as good as the most blue-blooded purebred dog. The only difference for our purposes is predictability. When you buy a Labrador, you know, generally, how big he’ll be and how much coat he’ll have. Mixed breeds are a kaleidoscope of their special combination, history, and environment. If you don’t mind a bit of mystery in your life, get a mixed-breed pup. He’ll greet you at the door, bark at the stranger on your porch, and fetch a ball for your kids just as well as any purebred.
Puppy or adult dog?
Puppies are cute, demanding, and unfettered by any understanding of human rules. You need the time, energy, and patience to teach them everything from “Don’t run through the house with my underwear in your mouth” to “Don’t rip off the wallpaper.” Puppies are usually not the best choice for a household with children under the age of five.
Adult dogs are often housebroken and past the intense chewing stage. On the down side, bad habits are sometimes firmly in place. Old dogs can learn new tricks, though, so don’t rule them out. The older dog is a fine choice for many families. In our experience, they bond to their new family just as well, and in some cases better, than puppies.
Male or female?
We’ve owned and loved both. Regardless of sex, family pets should be neutered. Neutered dogs—both male and female—are calmer, less aggressive, and less prone to hormonal mood swings. Neutering at a young age helps prevent certain negative behaviors like leg lifting or dominance aggression from developing. Neutered pets live longer, healthier lives, so don’t wait. The bottom line about gender is that dogs are individuals, and while generalities about males and females can be made, we don’t find them all that useful. The only generality worth noting is that unneutered male dogs bite people the most. Neuter your dog.
Where should I get my dog?
The best sources for a good pet are reputable breeders, word of mouth, rescue groups, and animal shelters.
Reputable Breeders
A good breeder breeds only two or three litters a year, asks you lots of questions, and tells you about the breed—good and bad. A bad breeder sells you a puppy with few questions asked. A bad breeder always seems to have puppies, often breeding four or more litters a year. Don’t be fooled by “AKC Registered.” AKC papers are like a car title—a Rolls Royce has a title and so does the rusted-out junk car that won’t start.
Good breeders know their dogs. You’ll be able to meet at least one of the pup’s parents and should like the parent. The apple does not usually fall far from the tree with dogs, and if your potential pup’s mother is too protective, nervous, or whatever for you to meet and handle, skip her pups. You want a friendly, outgoing, stable pet, and those come most often from friendly, stable, outgoing parents. Home-raised pups, especially those raised with well-behaved and supervised children, are your best bet.
Word of Mouth
People move, schedules change, and good dogs need new homes. Tell local veterinarians, groomers, trainers, and pet-supply stores (that don’t sell dogs) what you are looking for and then be willing to wait. There is an old saying in the dog world: “The right time to get a dog is when the right dog comes along.” Resist the temptation to rush. A good dog is worth some patience and research.
Pure Breed Rescue Groups
Almost every breed club has a handful of dedicated people who locate, rescue, care for, and then adopt out individual dogs of their chosen breed. We have used these groups for both locating and placing animals and have been very happy with the results. Call the AKC, 1-919-233-9767, to get the number of the national club for the breed you are interested in. Contact the club and ask them who does their rescue work.
Animal Shelters
Every area has a shelter that houses lost, abandoned, and stray dogs. These hardworking places can be wonderful sources. Many animals end up there because their owners were less than ideal, not because the dogs were. Talk to the kennel people, ask them what dogs might work for you. Go back a few times. If you are serious, a shelter is usually happy to help. Remember: The dog that fits in with your family is a beautiful dog. Don’t let superficial beauty be the deciding factor. Too many people go hunting for a certain Look,” not realizing that looks do not a companion make. Seek out a wonderful, calm, happy dog, and then learn to love what it looks like.
Selecting a Puppy
If you want a calm, relaxed adult dog, choose a calm, relaxed pup. Choose for stability, ability to calm itself, forgiveness, touch sensitivity, noise tolerance, and attachment to people. This is easy to do if you know a few simple tests.
Stability
Is the pup leaping at your face, nipping your nose, yanking on your shoelaces? Skip over him, that kind of energy can be hard to live with. Skip any that cower in the corner, too. Instead, choose the pup who comes right up to you, doesn’t mouth much, and isn’t frantic.
Ability to Calm Down
Cradle a pup upside down in your arms like a haby. Does he struggle? Does he mouth? Struggling that increases and mouthing that becomes frantic are signs that he can’t calm himself down. Skip him. Also skip the puppy who lies stiff in your arms. This frightened pup may not react well to a child’s normal play. Instead, select the pup who lies in your arms relaxed and happy. A little mouthing and struggling is normal, but he should settle down.
Touch Sensitivity and Forgiveness
Pick up a puppy and take hold of the skin between his toes. Apply pressure until you get a response. Does he bite at your hand? Does he scream like he’s being murdered? Release pressure once you get a response. Skip over any pup who immediately screams or uses his mouth to stop you. Pick the one that whines a bit, pulls away, or hardly seems to notice.
Forgiveness is measured after you release his foot. Does he immediately relax and maybe start licking you? That’s the right response. If he seems distrustful or withdrawn, skip him. An unforgiving pup is almost always trouble. Things will happen to your pet, especially with children around, so forgiveness is critical.
Noise Tolerance
Noise tolerance is important if you have children. Dogs who are frightened of noises make every toddler-related crash and every noise-making toy an event. Drop a set of keys near the pups. Some pups will startle and then investigate. Others won’t even notice. These are good choices for noisy households. Skip the pups who run for cover and stay there.
Attachment to People
Sit with all the pups for ten minutes or so. Look for the pup who stays near you. Any pup who does not come over to say hello within a minute should be avoided. If one pup is constantly nipping you skip him as well. Every puppy has an individual personality. Each litter contains a range of personalities. Chances are you’ll find a couple of pups who are friendly, stable, and attracted to people. Select your new pet from one of these.
Selecting an Adult Dog
When you look at an older dog, do not judge him on how he behaves with you; after all, he doesn’t know you. Watch how he is with his people, if you can. If he’s friendly and calm with them, that’s a good sign. If he is uncontrollable, stay clear. Look for one who lives with children and likes them. Beware of dogs who have spent their lives tied up. Chances are they aren’t really housebroken and lack social graces. Don’t pass over a three- to four-year-old dog; they can slide into your home as if they had been there forever.
When selecting an adult dog from a shelter, speak to the staff. Often they know the nice dogs and can give you an inside lead on one. Next, take a walk through the kennels. This is always noisy. If you are bringing your child(ren) with you, it may be worth bringing earplugs. Your kids will be more comfortable and can focus on looking at the dogs. No hands or fingers in cages!
When you walk up and down the aisles, keep an ear open. Many dogs will bark when you are right in front of the cage, but beware the one that keeps on yapping long after you’re past. It may be a sign he’s having a hard time calming himself down and could be noisy to live with. The dog you want may bark his hello, but, when you move on, he settles down.
The ideal dog was raised with kids, comes tip to the front of the cage eagerly, and quiets down pretty quickly once you’re past. There will probably be two or three like this on any one visit. Next, let your kid(s) walk toward the cages. Have them speak calmly and in a friendly manner. Remember, keep hands and fingers outside! Does the dog seem interested in the child? Is he friendly? That’s great! Backing away or refusing to say hello are not good signs.
You probably have a couple of animals in mind now. Ask the staff if they may be taken out of the cages one at a time. Most dogs are pretty wild when they first come out of confinement. That’s to be expected and often does not reflect the dog’s true nature. Talk to him softly; scratch under his neck and chin. If he calms down a bit, it’s a good sign, but don’t expect him to act as if he knows you—he doesn’t.
Once you find a dog that is friendly to the kids, not too barky, and calms down a bit when given a chance, adopt her. If it makes things easier, ask the shelter to hold her for a few hours while you go out and buy her crate, food (the same brand she’s been eating, please), toys, bowls, brushes, and other necessities of dog-owning life. That way you’ll be all set up when you bring her home. Don’t be surprised if she’s a bit depressed the first few days. No matter where you get your adult dog, a new home is a big change. Give her some time. Go to your vet as soon as possible to make sure she does not have parasites, ear infections, or other problems. If she hasn’t been neutered, do so immediately.
Start obedience work right away using fun, positive methods. Structure and routine is the best medicine for a newly adopted dog. Not only will it build the bond between you, but it reassures her that all is well and that a knowledgeable leader is at the helm.
Then enjoy her, but we don’t have to tell you that, do we?
© 1994 by Brian Kilcommons